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Coaching: change and learning

Earlier this year I got an opportunity to work with a coach at work - and I still am. After 20 years of working the web-industry, surviving Shockwave and Flash in the process, I got myself a coach. And it has been an awesome ride so far!


The start

I am a critical employee, I demand a lot of myself and the team around me. That doesn't always make my life easy, because not everyone has the same mindset or same demands. To dive into what drives me and how I can make myself a stronger professional I started working with a coach.

To be honest I didn't have any idea of what to expect. But as I had already learned at my first employer you have to be open and receptive if you want to grow and learn. So that's exactly what I did.

The coach

The most important part of coaching is your coach. You need someone who can handle you and read you. You need a "click" with your coach. You two need to connect, so you feel free and open to share anything. Your coach also needs to be trustworthy to you - because you'll be sharing very personal information about yourself.

I'm a closed person, I tend to keep the personal stuff to myself. So it wasn't always easy to open up and I am still getting used to it.

Core values

After just a few sessions I was completely amazed. We had already found out that I have been running over the past years. If an employer or a situation didn't suit me, I'd run away and find another job. What was even better is that we found out why I had been running.

I have a set of core values, values important to me. When these values aren't met by an employer or colleague I tend to shut down and run. Looking back at when I have left employers over the past years or have gotten myself into trouble it all comes down to these values!

The Saboteur

Remember the movie 'Inside Out', where the main character has multiple characters in her head? If you look at that concept, imagine you have a saboteur in there. Its the guy holding us back. He keeps us safe by settling for what is familiar. When my core values aren't met he'll be there telling me to run. Telling me "I told you they don't care about your values or about you at all". He will pretend to be your guardian, helping you survive. Yet he really isn't.

The Hero

Opposite the saboteur is the hero. He's the one knowing what you really want. He knows your deepest wishes. The guy telling you "You rock!". He's actually the coolest dude ever - yet he often loses out (in my case) to the saboteur. I need to embrace my hero more and make sure I follow his lead. I shouldn't run - it will only get me into the same situation elsewhere. Face the issues head on and explain why it matters to you.

Sometimes people make a career change you don't expect. Now I've learnt about the saboteur and the hero I'd like to think those people have allowed their hero to win. And I love the process of learning more from my hero - and find out what I really want.

It's all you

During this whole process my coach was just asking me questions, pushing me to give my opinion, showing me how I respond. Basically the coach was making me aware of myself. I've had loads of epiphanies during the sessions. You're really starting to get to know yourself and realizing what matters. To me, my coach isn't a problem-solver. She's there to help me solve the problem by showing me how I really feel.

I think I have lost myself a little bit over the years looking at the results so far. And it has been so inspiring and awesome to dive into myself and find out who I am and what I stand for. It has also been amazing to find out how much a coach can find out in a closed guy like myself.

Coaching can sometimes be seen as a weakness, but in fact it is the opposite: it is all about changing and learning. It's about finding yourself and allowing yourself to be you and strive for your goals, your ambitions. The only thing holding you back is... you.

Thanks for reading and all the best.
Corné

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